Thursday, February 09, 2012

Heartbeats

I was reading this detective story by Enid Blyton in which the author says through her character Daisy that not all that we laugh at is actually funny. Sometimes, we laugh in the moment and later on that particular stuff is not able to tickle any bone. This also happens with me. I have many amusing moments with Vasu and Darsh but not all are able to hold me for days and weeks or even months together. And then something absolutely different happens that leaves an imprint on my heart. Like what my younger heartbeat one night just did.
It was such an ordinary winter night of February 2012. Darsh with his characteristic playfuness asked me to feel his heartbeat. He had recently discovered it. Amusing it was how he had just realized that he also has a heart that beats.

I watched Darsh pointing at it, so excitedly putting my hand on his chest... unaware that I knew of his heartbeat way much earlier than he could imagine. Just 5 weeks after I had conceived him, the gynaecologist amplified his heartbeat for me to hear. It was a sign of him having arrived inside me.

The realization, however, brought something farther than a chuckle to me. It caused me a deep sense of guilt.
Darsh was so much oblivious of the string of thoughts that passed me following the audio-visuals at the hospital. The pregnancy was totally unplanned and uncalled for. For a few days,  I was so confused. Yes, I wondered what if  .... yes, the thought crossed my mind whether it would be a bad deed to.... to do something that today I do not have the courage to even put into words.  Today he is my heart beat. I skip a heartbeat even at the very thought of anything happening to him that could race up his heartbeats, let alone stopping them.

1 comment:

AMRUT RAO said...

Its truely amazing how innocently children say things and force us to think. Really nice blog!!